Illustration by Marco Antonio Sepúlveda
"the conflict in the couple"
Statistics show that married people live longer and better quality of life ... if no conflicts. But conflicts mental ill (depression, bipolar disorder, drinking, violence ...) and physically (heart, cancer, immune disorders, chronic pain ...) to increase the likelihood of accidents, including deaths. The conflicts in the couple also create problems in children (behavior problems, depression and problems to achieve privacy in the future) STRUCTURE OF THE COUPLE: The current base almost all couples are in love. Falling in love is an emotion and has a strong passion, affection, tenderness, sex. So one of the main objectives of the couple today is make life enjoyable. But emotion is fleeting and subject to the law of habituation. We all know that the infatuation will pass, and many couples, based solely on that emotion is dissolved. However, the passionate love of the beginning is an excellent way to get to keep the couple. This requires developing intimacy and validation. Intimacy means opening up and telling things that otherwise could be used against us and receive acceptance from the other. When we love we put entirely in the hands of our partners and thus build intimacy. But soon the trouble starts. Comes an argument and he thinks: "It is a passionate, while she says. "It's an iceberg. "We believe that because we do not know what conditions the mind and emotions of the other sex. I know of Alba and Eduardo: They lived one of those romances that arouse the envy of friends and strangers. They met at a birthday of a mutual friend, and since then became inseparable. They were united by the same sense of humor, taste in art, and a shared vision of life. They both wanted to spend the rest of life with the person beloved. No soon marry and have a child. But complications began a year. Eduardo was missing sex that had until that Alba got pregnant, while it complained that it was not as considerate as possible. What had happened?. Each of them thought it was the other who had changed. However, what actually happened is that no one had understood the other's emotional language. While the circumstances allowed it seemed understandable, but changed as highlighted differences for which had not been prepared. Because in general we do not prepare to be good as partners or husbands, not to be parents, there a widespread belief that to establish relationships do not need any prior preparation, but we all think that if we want to achieve a better work or increase the salary we have to continue studying. Why to have human relationships do not think it necessary? Perhaps because we all want love we want or we are, we accept the other more or less unconditionally, and greater will be our need to be accepted if we feel that our children did not want us as we needed or thought we deserved. Most dating and when we noticed attitudes or behaviors in the other we do not like thinking that the time shall blot instantly or that our love will change the other. Is it really an issue or a temple that women always want to change men? At the beginning of the relationship everything seems wonderful. If you go to the football on a rainy Sunday, the / / / / is going first. But a few years later ... anyone be surprised that sport "charge." Usually we always expect others to change according to our expectations, but we forget that they are in the same attitude ours. Only if we decided first to take the first step, we will trigger the transformation of consciousness of others. This thought taken from one book by Anthony de Mello, invites us to reflect on the internalization and change. "Change me to change the world.
Change to change the world.
"The Sufi Berry says about himself:
a youth I was a revolutionary and my prayer was to say to God: Lord, give me strength to change the world."
As I was making me an adult, I fell in the fact that I had spent half his life without being able to switch to a single soul camencé transformed my prayer and say: "Lord, grant me the grace to transform those who come in contact with me. If only my family and my friends. With that I give satifecho. Now I'm
old and I have days I have begun to realize how stupid I was.
My only prayer is: "Lord, grant me the grace to change myself.
If I had prayed that way since the beginning, there would have wasted my life. "Everyone thinks of changing humanity, almost no one thinks of changing himself."
are many considerations involved in this poem, applying the wish that many times we want our partner to change and do not think first about change leads us to think it's easy to criticize and judge others, unless easy to be judge of ourselves. We are, sometimes very hard with others and with ourselves we tend to be lenient and understanding, the law begins at home, is the watchword. Think of yourself because otherwise our word or advice will be invalid. It valued the attitude of Jesus of Nazareth: "He who is without sin cast the first stone."
Anitza Castelletto Kirby
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